
“That is where we will find a tracker recommended to me by some friends. Besides, last time you tracked for us, we walked right into a werewolf den.” – Oona “Don’t start that with me again! You know damn well that is where our meal went.” – Othor “A decent tracker would have noticed the werewolf tracks sooner.” – Oona “Maybe I did. Maybe I was hoping one of them would make you into a snack, so I’d be rid of that mouth of yours finally.” – Othor “Oh, sure you did…. I recall you sobbing, “Oona, baby sister! Are you alright!” – Oona “I wasn’t sobbing you…!” – Othor “You aren’t fooling me. Admit it, you didn’t notice them.” – Oona “Find your damn tracker, and shut the hell up already.” – Othor

“Hi there, Ketchup! I’m Oona, Dragonborn, and destroyer of many things that are now very dead. I got word you are a tracker. My brother and I could use some…” – Oona “Listen, my name is Bishop. Whatever you are about to say, Princess, the answer is no, unless you help me out first. Got it? That’s how this game works, right?” – Ketchup

“No, I can handle this, Othor.” – Oona “I’ll forget you called me a dumbass for a moment to say I need help finding my wolf, Karnwyr. Think you can handle that, Princess?” – Ketchup “Let me guess, Dumbass, it ran away from you.” – Oona “No, HE was taken from me!” – Ketchup “I bet. No way that charming lack of personality of yours chased him off.” – Oona “Cute, real cute.” – Ketchup

*Awhile later* “For fuck’s sake, why did I let you talk me into actually helping him?” – Othor “I already told you, we are helping the dog, not him. That’s why I agreed.” – Oona “You and your bleeding heart for stupid animals. I swear I wonder how I’m related to you at times.” – Othor “Sure, Mr. tough guy. You love Lola as much as I do. You even took an arrow for her before.” – Oona “I’d take a thousand arrows over listening to this little prick whine about, “overgrown lizards,” ever again.” – Othor

“Yeah, you ready, Ketchup?” – Oona “Who cares if he is or not. We’re leaving without him.” – Othor “We can’t leave without our tracker.” – Oona “You aren’t serious, he’s useless! You really need better friends. No real friend would suggest this guy to you.” – Othor “As a fighter, it is really sad to watch, but he was able to track his dog here at least. That’s what we need him for.” – Oona “You just want him to stick around for the mutt!” – Othor “No-no…”– Oona “Oona, you already have a dog!” – Othor

“Hey look, some Forsworn. Is this supposed to be an ambush?” – Oona “If so, this is the most pitiful attempt yet. We already have them surrounded.” – Othor “You are either brave or foolish to approach us without your weapon drawn. I am Ca-el, a chieftain of the Forsworn.” – Kale “And I should care why, Kale?” – Oona “It’s Ca-el.” – Kale “Okay, Kale.” – Oona

*Hours later of rambling* “By the nines… This guy is still talking. Is he a woman? I thought they’d be off fucking a hagraven or whatever weird shit Forsworn do by now.” – Othor “Is that a problem? You know, my sister planned to seduce a blonde Nord for us to kill. Perhaps if you are bored, we could entertain you with that.” – Kale “Try it, twerp.” – Othor “Don’t lump us with him. Not even women can talk this much, bro.” – Oona

“Nope. No sane woman would be into that, and you are about as deep as my dog’s food bowl.” – Oona “Not a good comparison. She eats a lot.” – Othor “Then here, take this necklace as an apology. It is from my village, and carries a lot of sentimental value to me. However, hot chicks are my one weakness, so I want you to have it.” – Kale

“Finally, a tavern! Now, let’s see how much this crappy necklace is worth.” – Oona “I can already tell you not enough.” – Othor “Hey look, Stenvar is still here. How’s it been going?” – Oona “Dragonborn, trust me. Get out of here while you can. They got a new bard, and he’s beyond awful. I’m pounding these drinks down, and getting the hell out.” – Stenvar “Oh, he couldn’t be as bad as that one Orc at Moorside Inn.” – Oona

“My beautiful clothes! You ruined them and my magnificent song!” – Kayne “That wasn’t anything close to singing, and you ruined my appetite for the next year!” – Oona “How dare you! I have a voice gifted by the divines, and a lyrical genius!” – Kayne “More like a voice gifted by Sheogorath as a cruel and unusual joke! However, I’m not laughing!” – Oona “I expect you to come to my show, or I’m going to make you pay for my outfit, and sue you for emotional damage!” – Kayne “Damnit! I hate courts!” – Oona

*Pitchy, ungodly wailing from the depths of darkest regions of Coldharbour pierces the room like the sudden spawning of thousands of cliff racers* “HELP, HELP! MY EARS ARE BEING ATTACKED!” – Random NPC 4 “STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM! YOU VIOLATED MY EAR DRUMS!” – Guard “DRAGONBORN! I LOVE YOU! ONLY YOU CAN SAVE MEEEEEEEE!!!!” – Kayne “What the actual fuck? Running bare ass naked through Oblivion wouldn’t be as horrifying as this shit. This evil needs to be destroyed, before the Thalmor weaponize him.” – Othor

“Finally, and good riddance. Really love what you did with his entrails, Othor. Looks lovely with all these tacky, bright red curtains.” – Oona “Ha! Maybe interior design is my calling, though Ulfric sure doesn’t seem to think so. Man, he can be such an overgrown baby. It was only a few pints of blood thrown everywhere.” – Othor
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