misslexi

“Is that mutt of yours gonna live? Looks like it’s been at death’s door ever since that Bard started screeching in Windhelm.” – Othor

“Forget Karnwyr! When’s your sister gonna stop puking all over me!” – Ketchup

“Who knows, who cares. You should feel lucky I find it amusing enough to let you live for hitting on her all the way here. Otherwise, an overgrown lizard might be puking you up at this very moment instead.” – Othor

“Curse those OVERGROWN LIZZARDS! Great, I have them to worry about, I’m covered in vomit, and now he is here to make my day even worse!” – Ketchup “He who?” – Oona

“M’lady.” – Caviar “Yes? You want something?” – Oona “M’lady…. M’lady, m’lady….m’lady. M’lady.” – Caviar

“Is this guy serious? Who’d you get your skooma from, pal, because I’d ask for a refund.” – Oona “No, that is just how he is. Allow me to translate, Princess. I’m fluent in cringe speech.” – Ketchup “Yes, of course you are.” – Oona

“His name is Casavir, and he wants you to go to the ball with him. All expenses paid.” – Ketchup “M’lady, m’lady.” – Caviar “He said, “I’m rich, you know”.” – Ketchup “Okay, is there anything else Caviar had to say before I immediately proceed to go far away from him?” – Oona “Also, he’s an uptight, sensitive virgin, so to please be gentle.” – Ketchup

*Projectile vomits on Caviar* “M’-M’LADY!” – Caviar

“If I ever see you again, I’ll cut you up and feed you to the slaughter fish…if they could even stand to deal with you.” – Oona

“Hold on a sec, sis. If you play this smart, we might can come out on top.” – Othor “What are you getting at?” – Oona “He’s rich and he’s stupid. I’d call that an easy target.” – Othor “You’re not actually suggesting I should…” – Oona “Like I said, easy target means easy money.” – Othor

“You just want to see me suffer, don’t you?” – Oona “Don’t mind that. I’m just sayin’ this is a good opportunity to make some quick money, while keeping the guards off our asses. We could always use more bribe money, and we’re broke from paying off the guards in Windhelm. Although, can’t say that kill wasn’t worth ever septim.” – Othor

“This seems to be the store. Overpriced, gaudy vanilla crap as far as the eyes can see.” – Oona

“I can’t believe I agreed to do this. It better pay off in the end.” – Oona

“Hm, all these unguarded trinkets laying around in plain sight. Would be a shame if someone were to take it.” – Oona

“Oh no. It seems it slipped into my pocket. What a compete accident.” – Oona “I saw nothing.” – Othor

“Welcome, Dragonborn. See anything to your liking? Your sugar daddy said you could take whatever you’d like from this store. I’ll be assisting you with your dress for the occasion.” – Ribbon Clerk “No thanks, I’ll pass. From the looks of it, you don’t seem to have a clue what you are doing.” – Oona

“Yes, the clothing I create requires a particular taste you have yet to acquire from all that armor you wear. If you would try on my dresses, you’ll come around and understand what a true masterpiece is.” – Ribbon Clerk “By ‘particular taste’, you mean bad taste in other words.” – Oona “Excuse me, sir. Are you looking for a suit?” – Tailor “Does it look like I’m here to play dress up, ya fucking moron?” – Othor

“Wait, this is a dress? This is what you’re selling to people? I’ve worn burlap sacks that were more flattering and had better fabric textures.” – Oona *Whimpers in agony* – Karnwyr “At least you’re color blind. This lavender crap is just as bad as everything else about it!” – Oona “Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! In case you’re wondering, that dress does make your ass look as big as a horker!” – Othor

“Fuck off, Othor. There is no way in Oblivion I’m gonna wear this!” – Oona

“There, personal wardrobe for the win.” – Oona “You look sexy as shit.” – Ketchup “You’re gonna look dead as shit if you don’t shut your mouth. Ugh, I need a drink.” – Oona

“Give me the strongest thing you sell here.” – Oona “Going to the party near the palace I take it. I’m sure they have free drinks for you there.” – Corpulus

“Yeah, watered down wine. I don’t want to remember this snoozefest tonight, got me?” – Oona “Yeah, I’ve got you.” – Corpulus

“I’m here, Caviar. Let’s get this over with… Fuck my life…” – Oona “Holy shit! The Dragonborn actually showed up?” – Party goer 1

“What is she wearing? That wasn’t for sale at the store! Not fair, I just had a choice of ugly, low res garbage! My ass looks hideous!” – Party goer 2 “Ew, and she came here with that hairless, baby faced, fedora tipping neckbeard.” – Party goer 3 “M’lady! Mmmm’lady.” – Caviar “I’ll assume you didn’t say something that would make me want to stab you more than I already do.” – Oona

“Wow… What realm of Oblivion did I just walk into?” – Oona

“Holy fuck this is worse than I thought. Thank the divines I’m blind in one eye. Wouldn’t want to feel the full effect of this sensory hell.” – Othor

“You there! You can’t attend this ball dressed like that.” – Guard “Who says so? You? Well then, do something about it, I dare you.” – Othor

“Sir, it’s an eyesore to the guests.” – Guard “What are you blabberin’ on about? This entire room is an eyesore!” – Othor “I…can’t argue with that.” – Guard

“Is this supposed to be the achy breaky wrist dance?” – Oona

“What, is this made out of playdough!?” – Oona

“Cheap, tacky chandeliers that match the cheap, tacky drapes. Perfect…” – Oona

“And… purple fucking candles? Bleh! This couldn’t get any worse…” – Oona

“No…no… What is that? Is that a chair? Look at it! Just look at it! That normal map is flatter than Kale’s personality, and why the fuck is it shiny!” – Oona

*Pukes again* “M’lady?” – Caviar “I’m about to join ya, sis. At this point, if they smeared dog shit all over this room, it would be an improvement.” – Othor

“Not to mention, this party is as lame and boring as they get.” – Othor

“You’re right. No one is interesting, and everyone acts like reanimated corpses. Do people seriously find this fun? I’d rather be on a fetch quest right now.” – Oona “M’lady, m’lady. M’lady?” – Caviar “What does he want now?” – Oona

“I think he wants you to dance with him.” – Othor “What, you speak cringe now too?” – Oona “For fuck’s sake no. It’s just what all these other milk drinkers are doing right now.” – Othor “Fine, Caviar. I’ll dance with you.” – Oona “M’lady!” – Caviar

“Go on ahead, I’ll be right behind you.” – Oona

“Ha, got his wallet. That a sap…” – Oona

“Wait, bro, are you sitting on that vile piece of furniture?” – Oona “Yeah. It’s more comfortable than it looks.” – Othor “Sure, right… You look good sitting on it. It suits you.” – Oona “Bite me. Now, don’t you have some dickless wonder you wanted to dance with?” – Othor

“Wanted? Real funny. Nope, gonna make a fool out of him and rob him while doing it.” – Oona “How so? Looks like he has you beat on the fool part.” – Othor

“Karnwyr is here, so that means…” – Oona

“Bingo. Those two hate each other for whatever dumb reason. I didn’t bother listening to their bitch fight that went on forever.” – Oona

“Hey, Ketchup, wanna piss off Caviar?” – Oona “What about the OVERGROWN LIZZZZARDS!” – Ketchup “Yeah, yeah, it’ll piss them off too.” – Oona “Good, you can’t trust them!” – Ketchup

“Sorry it took so long! I’m here Caviar…. Hurry it up, Ketchup…” – Oona “M’lady.” – Caviar

“Oh, how unfortunate! It seems Ketchup got here first.” – Oona *Stares on smiling like a total rapey creepo* – Caviar “Take that OVERGROWN LIZZZARDS!” – Ketchup

“You get everything?” – Othor “You bet, and he gave me a stupid rose worth a 1,000 septims. We’ll be good on bribe money for awhile. That neckbeard already bailed; probably didn’t like the idea of being the third wheel or friend zoned. Still had to dance with Ketchup, so I need a bath asap. Let’s leave.” – Oona

“About time. The cougars here are relentless. Almost chucked one out the window, but telling her mods couldn’t even fix that mug of hers seemed to do the trick.” – Othor “I don’t think mods could fix anything here. What a nightmare.” – Oona